Getting to know ourselves better

Learning activity: Ways that barriers appears in the workspace

We have identified several common ways that barriers can affect communication. From the list below, write in your Workbook three examples that you have encountered – or engaged in – in your workplace (don’t worry – your responses are completely anonymous!).

For each of the three responses of barriers that you selected, please write a few sentences in your Workbook about how these behaviours have affected you or your work.

What is one commitment that you would be willing to make to start changing the things way you approach such responses in your life?

We understand that some of these topics may be uncomfortable to discuss. You are welcome to write down as much, or as little as you want.

Shields

During a conversation, people often use strategies of disconnection to shield (hide) their feelings (which can be of shame). As you read/hear/see the examples, identify the ones have you have done or experienced?

Learning activity: Shields

The following questions are aimed at making you address your own shields, and can help identify areas that could present challenges during difficult conversations. Please write your answers in your workbook. You could also add some examples to our conversation space on Discord

1. Whom are you most likely to Move Away from?
2. What are the specific triggers or situations at work that would prompt you to use the shield of Moving Away?
3. Whom are you most likely to Move Towards?
4. What are the specific triggers or situations at work that would prompt you to use the shield of Moving Towards?
5. Whom are you most likely to Move Against?
6. What are the specific triggers or situations at work that would prompt you to use the shield of Moving Against?
7. Do you have a go-to shield that you grab in certain situations?

Learning activity: What stands in the way between you and a constructive conversation?

Instructions: Here are some things that might happen. Choose your top three to keep in mind as you work through the module.

1. We avoid tough conversations, including giving honest and productive feedback.
2. Rather than spending a reasonable amount of time proactively acknowledging and addressing the fears and feelings that show up during change and upheaval, we spend an unreasonable amount of time managing problematic behaviours.
3. Diminishing trust caused by a lack of connection and empathy.
4. Not enough people are taking smart risks or creating and sharing bold ideas to meet changing demands and the insatiable need for innovation.
5. We get stuck and defined by setbacks, disappointments, and failures, so instead of spending resources on clean-up to ensure that consumers, stakeholders, or internal processes are made whole, we are spending too much time and energy reassuring team members who are questioning their contribution and value.
6. Too much shame and blame, not enough accountability and learning.
7. People are opting out of vital conversations about diversity and inclusivity because they fear looking wrong, saying something wrong, or being wrong. Choosing our own comfort over hard conversations is the epitome of privilege, and it corrodes trust and moves us away from meaningful and lasting change.
8. When something goes wrong, individuals and teams are rushing into ineffective or unsustainable solutions rather than staying with problem identification and solving. When we fix the wrong thing for the wrong reason, the same problems continue to surface. It’s costly and demoralizing.
9. Organizational values are gauzy and assessed in terms of aspirations rather than actual behaviours that can be taught, measured, and evaluated.
10. Perfectionism and fear are keeping people from learning and growing.

Vulnerability

Learning activity: What do you think vulnerability is?

Learning activity: Vulnerability worksheet

Let’s do some metacognitive work!

Empathy misses

Now that we’ve talked about some aspects that can hinder a conversation, let’s talk about the powerful ways that empathy can strengthen and support a difficult conversation.

Learning activity: What does empathy look like?

Instructions: Write your own definition then compare it with ours. You might also want to include what it feels like physically and emotionally.

1. When I share something personal and vulnerable, and I really feel understood, it feels _______________________________.
2. When I share something personal and vulnerable, and I don’t feel as if anyone understands, I feel _________________________________.
3. When I share something personal and vulnerable, I like the person listening to (ideal empathic response):

   Select all that apply.
   _____ Make eye contact
   _____ Look away so I don’t feel so self-conscious
   _____ Reach out to hug me
   _____ Give me my space
   _____ Respond right away
   _____ Just listen and stay quiet

4. When someone shares something painful and personal with me, I:

   Select all that apply.
   _____ Worry about saying the wrong thing
   _____ Want to say something really comforting
   _____ Get nervous
   _____ Worry about not feeling anything
   _____ Don’t know what to do if I really don’t want to know
   _____ Want to fix it.

Go to your Workbook and write your answers, and then click on the checkbox.

I have completed the activity

There are no right and wrong answers, here. In fact, people will answer these questions in a wide variety of ways. That said, we want to draw your attention to a few “empathy misses”—ways that don’t actually show empathy, despite good intentions. (content below if from Dare to Lead)

Empathy misses

Empathy skills